On Becoming What I Am Meant to Be

We had a wonderfully refreshing week with family in the Dallas area last week.  Now it is back to semi-normal around home except for the fact that the university does not start back until January 17th.  So I either need to resort to getting up in the wee hours for my quiet time or retreating to a quiet place somewhere away from distractions while my fellas are up.  With all of our late nights for the last several days the wee hours did not work for me this morning- even with the best of intentions.  I sympathize with you moms out there trying to fit in a quiet time with children about the house.  I remember well how hard it was to get up while it was still dark in order to finish my quiet time before the boys got up and our home school day got underway.  I can be much lazier now; so this vacation thing is really messing with my peaceful attitude.  (Funny how, when I sit down to write, these things come to mind and I see I have a matter of the heart that needs some prayer.)

I am back in Numbers this morning for my Old Testament reading.  The sons of Reuben and the sons of Gad have come to Moses to seek his permission to settle on the side of the Jordan river that they currently occupy rather than crossing into the promised land and taking possession of it.  Moses responds, "Shall your brothers go to war while you yourselves sit here?  Now why are you discouraging the sons of Israel from crossing over into the land which the LORD has given them?  This is what your fathers did when I sent them from Kadesh-barnea to see the land." (Numbers 32:6-8, NASB)

My initial observations were that these men were simply identifying a good spot to settle down with their flocks and families.  What's the big deal which side of the Jordan river it happens to be?  Yet Moses' response to them makes it clear it is a big deal.  In fact it is no different than that huge turning point in Israel's life when the men came back from spying out the promised land with their reports of giants in the land and as a result were made to wander in the wilderness for forty years.  I do not know whether these men feared what lay ahead or just really liked what they saw and desired to go no further.  Either way, their decision would impact the whole nation, bringing discouragement and perhaps disobedience to once again refuse to go where God was leading.

As I look ahead to this new year of 2012 I was challenged by our pastor yesterday to become what God wants me to be.  His sermon was based on Philippians 3:12-14 and verse 13 really hit me:  "This one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind me, and straining forward to what lies ahead."  I have to ask myself: will I cross my Jordan river this year or settle for what lies on this side of it?  Will I strain to move ahead towards becoming the woman God wants me to be or will I stay put in my comfy place?

The Psalmist asked of me today in my daily reading "Why do people waste time with futile plans?" (Psalm 2:1b, NLT) and in Proverbs I was reminded that the "Fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge.  Only fools despise wisdom and discipline."  All are pointing me to the one thing I want to do this year and what it takes to accomplish that goal.  So I am once again committing to read through the Bible this year and to make prayer a priority.  Without those two things I am woefully bereft of those things which will allow me to become more of what God wants me to be.  It is part of the straining forward process as I too, like Paul before me, "press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." (Phillipians 3:14, NASB)


Grace, Peace, and Mercy,

Deb